Credo's Guide to the Ape-ocalypse

Posted by duncan on 7/7/14 4:52 PM

Current Events, Timely Topics, Timely Topics, Topic Pages

With Dawn of the Planet of the Apes opening this week, we thought it a prudent opportunity to research our current simian friends and potential future overlords. Here’s a few Topic Pages that’ll help you survive the Ape-ocalypse:

Ape - We should have known, to name anything more bellicose than a salad “Caesar” is to invite your own demise.

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Chimpanzee - Caesar is a chimpanzee, albeit one born to a genetically-engineered mother, a nuance classifying scientists would have to address were they not battling an existential threat.

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Gorilla - King Kong was modeled after gorillas, which are the largest species of Ape. Generally ground dwelling, they sometimes ascend trees or skyscrapers for sleep and airplane shenanigans, respectively.

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Gibbons - Gibbons walk upright with their arms awkwardly out to their sides in what resembles a “Bigfoot gait.” However, their size is anything but imposing: most are about 3 feet tall and weigh 15 pounds.

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Images:

"Chimpanzees in Uganda" By USAID Africa Bureau (Chimpanzees in Uganda  Uploaded by Elitre) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Chimpanzees_in_Uganda_(5984913059).jpg?fastcci_from=423489

"Kingkongposter" By Keye Luke (www.widescreenmuseum.com) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kingkongposter.jpg

"Hylobates lar - Copenhagen Zoo - DSC09160," By Daderot (Daderot) [CC0 or CC0], via Wikimedia Commons, http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hylobates_lar_-_Copenhagen_Zoo_-_DSC09160.JPG?fastcci_from=186525